The best way for me to get something done that I've been putting off is to stop saying: "I'll get to it" or "someday, I'll do that" and actually say, "I'm going to do this!"

Example:

Last Saturday, I was chatting with one of my co-workers about all sorts of things and somehow the topic of running came up. She told me about the Couch to 5k and how she's about to start it, planning on running in a 5k race in October. She suggested I look into it. I did and it sounded like a great way for me to ease into running instead of just deciding to pick up my pace one day.

On Sunday I mentioned to Mere and Mikey that I was thinking about training for a 5k, but I didn't go into any detail, just put it out there. On Monday I thought about it some more and decided: "For sure, I'm gonna do this!" Tuesday morning, when I was making a bacon quiche with Mikey, I made up my mind: "I am so doing this. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow."

On Tuesday afternoon, my grandmother called me to let me know that she was at Ikea. Her and Grandpa rarely make it to the Cities because they both can't sit for too long at a time, but uncle Tim drove them to the Cities for Grandpa's VA Medical Center appointment and afterwards, they wanted to check out Ikea. Thankfully, Abbi was able to give me a ride (in her beep-beep Jeep with the top down!) to Ikea on her way to work. Minutes after I met up with my family, they were joking about my shoes. I've had my Vibram KSOs for about three months now and rarely take them off. I realize that I look like I have gorilla feet, but I don't care in the least bit. I mentioned various reasons why the shoes are great and then I said: "This week I'm going to start training for a 5k." Before I went to bed that night, I decided: "Tomorrow night."

At work yesterday, I told Lauren that I was going to do my first workout that evening when I got home from work. It effortlessly floated out of my mouth and I didn't feel the need to change my mind. I was going to do it. And I did. And it felt great. And I can't wait until tomorrow night to do it again.

I'm going to keep a progress journal on Tumblr, so if you're at all interested, check it out here.

Yesterday Was Father's Day

I did avoid my dad while I was in town last week, but that's because he just so happened to be out of town. Yesterday, when I attempted to write a little something (on Tumblr) about my dad for Father's Day, I ended-up unloading a lot more than expected. Because it's important, I'm posting it here.

This is the only picture I could find (on the internet/my computer) of my dad and me.

I’ve sat looking at a blinking cursor for about five minutes trying to decide what to include in this post, thinking about the photograph itself, the event that happened when it was taken, everything before the event and everything after…It’s incredibly ironic that this is the only picture I could find…

For about five years of my life, I considered myself Christian though I didn’t agree with most of what I did and said when I was abiding by the Bible. When I started delving more into the metaphysical and simultaneously researching “the truth” in various religions, I realized that I’m much more agnostic than anything else, and that didn’t bother me. I’ve considered myself a spiritualist for about five years and it suits me just fine.

This past week I started reading The Year of Living Biblically by A.J. Jacobs and I’ll be finishing it tonight. It’s an entertaining and quick read. I wasn’t really expecting the book to have a really strong influence on me, but I’m pleasantly surprised to find myself wanting to get back to the daily routines that have really helped me keep my head above water: praying, meditating, living in gratitude. It’s not that I haven’t been doing these things, it’s more that I’ve been sporadically doing them when I’m desperate or so completely overwhelmed, I have nothing left to rely on.

If you see me on a day where I’ve spent fifteen minutes meditating, you’ll be pleased to find a cheerful, calm, collected person, someone you wouldn’t mind spending several hours with. Catch me on a day where I’ve obsessed over the same thought for fifteen minutes (or more, as is often the case), and you’ll still see someone cheerful, but also uncomfortably bubbly, jittery, scattered.

Let’s get back to the origin of this post: the picture of my dad and me.
We’re sitting on a bench on the deck attached to my dad’s ex-wife’s employer’s home, overlooking Lake Altoona in Altoona, Wisconsin (right next door to Eau Claire). It’s about noon in late August and I’ve just had my dad’s birth mother (who was in town for a couple of days), baptize me in the algae-covered lake. As members of my church small group stood in the water with us, Grandma babbled about informed us on the purpose and meaning of baptism, recited a few Bible verses, and dunked me under the water.

The event itself was quick and rather lackluster, but it meant so much to me. Though I physically didn’t necessarily feel any different other than being soaked in algae water, I felt amazing. For the record: from the moment I had the idea to get baptized, I knew what it meant to me and what I would be getting out of it verses what it would mean to my family and friends.

Brace yourself, I’m about to start writing way more than planned:
A couple years earlier, I tried to drown myself in a bathtub. Clearly, I didn’t accomplish my mission, and thankfully, too. About a month afterwards, I got the desire to take a bath, but as I started to fill the tub, I just couldn’t do it. A few more months went by and I tried again. It seemed as though I’d never again be able to enjoy a bath for fear that something in me would take over and I’d never get out of the tub. After a very long depression battle, I somehow got interested in metaphysics and became much more aware of what I was doing to my body: nutrition, meditation, exercise (and lack-there-of). I vowed to myself that I’d never harm myself ever again and I wanted some way to make a binding pact. Somehow, I settled on baptism.

So I emerged from the water and saw my small group, Grandma, and other friends and family clapping for me. They don’t know it, but they were clapping because I just made a pact to stay on the earth among them until my real time came. They don’t know that I was saying: hey everyone, I’m important, I deserve to be here, I’m happy that I’m alive and I’m happy that I have each and every one of you in my life.

Okay. This post was supposed to be some sort of something about Father’s Day. I don’t have the greatest relationship with my dad, but I’m reminded each time I think about my baptism and every time I see this picture, that I asked him to be there that day and he was. I forgive him for the wrongs he’s done to me in the past and I do wish we had a better relationship, but things like that take a lot of time and there’s still a lot of healing we both have left to do.

Thanks for reading all of this.

I Like Dating

It must have been about two years ago when I decided to take myself out on a date once a month. I don't really know where the idea came from necessarily, I wouldn't be surprised if I borrowed it from a book, play or film, but from wherever the inspiration came, I have thoroughly enjoyed treating myself each month. It's a practice of self-esteem and confidence boosting and it gets me out of the house.

Sometimes I plan my date nights in advance, but that's usually only if there's an event that I'd like to go to. Typically I find myself with extra time in a week and then plan to take myself out. About ten minutes before the end of my shift yesterday, my boss asked me what special plans I had for the rest of the day. I admitted that I have a library fine that I have to take care of and once that's done I wasn't quite sure what I'd do. I honestly had no other plans, but as I passed the Edina Cinema on my way home, I thought about taking myself out to the movies.

I took a nice nap on the bus and woke-up just before my stop at the downtown library. Walking into the building, I braced myself for what I feared a tremendous fine and a heavy dose of embarrassment. What I was met with was a terribly long line and only two people working behind the counter. Though I had the patience to wait in the line, I wasn't quite sure how patient everyone else behind me would be when I'd have to go through the process of not only paying my fine but also getting a new library card since I haven't the slightest idea where mine decided to hide in my room. Needless to say, I didn't even step foot into the line.

Instead, Gatsby* and I got cozy in the cafe. I sipped my chai tea latte while I researched showtimes at nearby theaters and I also jotted down a few upcoming concerts I'd like to see. Since I was uncertain if I should see "The Ghost Writer" with Ewan McGregor and Pierce Brosnan or Colin Firth's "A Single Man," I asked Tumblr what I should do. It seemed pretty unanimous.

At home I gussied-up, ate a tuna sandwich and tried to soothe my pre-date jitters. I honestly don't know what it is, but I still get all giddy about taking myself out. Though I thought I had timed my bus ride perfectly, the 7 was just leaving the stop as I left my house. Thankfully I had plenty of time to walk to Lake Street to catch the bus to Uptown without a problem. Even though it was drizzly and a bit chilly, I didn't wear my hat as a hathair preventative. That was probably a dumb idea, but I'd do the same thing if I were going out on a date with another lovely lady, so I didn't mind it too much.

I, a single woman on a date with herself, bought a ticket to see "A Single Man." I didn't get anything from concessions for three reasons:
1) I worked at a movie theatre in high school and cannot stand eating popcorn
2) Everything is overpriced
3) I smuggled in Cadbury Mini Eggs, Reese's Easter Eggs, and Caramel deLite Girl Scout cookies

The film was incredible. I especially enjoyed the cinematographer's choice of fading and/or intensifying color depending on the scenario taking place. Though he's a good actor, before seeing this film, I never would have called Colin Firth a brilliant actor, but that's how I'll refer to him from now on. And Julianne Moore! Let's take a moment to reflect on how stunning she is...yes, completely and utterly stunning. Matthew Goode without his English dialect? At first I was put-off by this, but then I fell in love with him again and was almost convinced that he was indeed American. Then I remembered that doesn't make any sense at all because he's on my list of English men I adore. Colin Firth is on the list too. Why did I even question going to "The Ghost Writer" over this film? Oh yes, that's because of my undying love for Ewan McGregor.

Yes, so anyway, the film was wonderful and I came home with a smile on my face. Date night success. It was such a success that I decided to take myself to the MIA today before I go to work. The only problem with this plan is my laziness. It's such a dreary day and I'd much rather just stay curled-up until the very last minute before catching my bus. Tomorrow will be a much better day to go to the MIA anyway. I don't typically like doing something that keeps me on my feet for a few hours before being kept on my feet at work for six and a half hours.

Breaking News

There was an extreme earthquake in Haiti yesterday. I found this out from the television at the restaurant where Anna and I were consuming bevvies and tasty snacks for my birthday. While I watched the close-captioning scroll across the screen, absorbing the images that came with them, I suddenly realized that I couldn't pinpoint the last time I watched a news program. I then remembered that it was while I was home for Christmas and the time before that I was home for Thanksgiving and wouldn't you know?--the time before that was when I was home for Halloween.

Watching news shows really get under my skin. As a highly sensitive person, I can't handle watching or hearing about violence, disaster, or tragedies without first protecting myself. Instead of watching the news, I choose to read articles online which allow me more control over the information I'm taking-in. Unfortunately, I'm not actually getting my news from highly validated sources. I get my news from Tumblr. If something really intense happens, someone posts it on Tumblr and within an hour I know about it. Usually it comes with a link to a valid article and if it doesn't I might search to find more information. But that's not always the case.

I've realized that I stay informed with current events that are of interest to my immediate social sphere. For example, Elizabeth and I will discuss the new product gossip we've read about on the Lush Portal while we're at work. My lesbian blogger friends, lovingly called Tumblesbians and I keep each other updated on which celebrity has just come out of the closet and any new relationship news we've heard. My housemates and I will talk about new restaurants opening or bands that are playing shows in upcoming weeks. Politics, healthcare, global happenings are not things that my social groups discuss frequently, at least not with me.

When I used to be involved with organizations geared towards spreading awareness of same-sex couple injustices or environmental impacts, I was much more aware of how I discussed those things with other people in my life. I wanted to keep up to date on those topics because I wanted to contribute to those conversations, I wanted to have a definite position on topics that could arise and I wanted to ask constructive questions.

Regardless of the fact that I'm temporarily not working with any organizations, I should still keep myself up to date with the ongoings in this world. I am a part of this intricate Universe and if I am to positively add to it, I should know what I'm working with.

My Birthday Week

This is the twenty third year of my life. It started about twenty three hours ago. For all of 2009, though I was twenty two years old, I always seemed to tell people I was twenty three instead. I don't know where this idea came from and it didn't bother me, but when people ask me how old I am, I honestly have to stop and think about it.

This week has been dubbed my birthday week. Each day in some way shape or form I am celebrating my birthday:

Sunday wasn't too thrilling, but I did get a lot of reading done and I went to the grocery store, two of my favorite things to do ever.

On Monday I made an omelet for the first time ever. The excitement of this outstanding accomplishment, I knew, would be hard to beat.

Today, my actual birthday (technically I am writing this very early on Wednesday morning), was full of puppy chow and other good foods. I hung out with Anna, a friend I met from Tumblr and we had a great time at Hell's Kitchen. If you haven't been there, I highly suggest going, especially during happy hour when it's not crowded and the appetizer and drink specials are going on. Don't get the Tequila Mockingbird, even if you're tempted by it's clever name, it will not only taste sub-par but will also leave you wishing you'd just asked for straight-up tequila. And I never get just straight-up tequila. Flirt with the server, if her name is Rachael. And when you overhear that she does trapeze work, feel free to fantasize about that while she goes to get your check.

Tomorrow I'll be spending part of the afternoon with Tracy, a friend I met from work. She no longer works with me, but that's a long and not really explainable story. Anyway, she's got some soap for me, a part of my Christmas present that was en route to her when we had done our gift exchange. She'll probably have something for me for my birthday too, I'm not sure.

Thursday, Friday and Saturday I've got some long shifts at work but I'm gladly accepting the hours as I had too few offered to me during the holiday season. The hours that I'm home during those few days I'll probably never leave either the tub, my bed or my new desk that my dad got me for my combined birthday and Christmas present.

And technically this upcoming Sunday doesn't count as part of my birthday week, but I'm making the rules, so it does count. I'm having lunch with Mandy that day. I haven't seen her since right after she got back from Australia and since then she's had a trip to England to visit her boyfriend. It'll be good to see her again. That evening I'll be headed to my work's holiday party. We're having it a month late because it was impossible to schedule during December. I'll eat too much pizza and smile a lot. Depending on how late I stay at the party, I might meander down to the Gay 90's where I'll have a gay ol' time watching the ladies of LaFemme do drag. If I can convince Anna to dance a bit, we might get our groove on too. Who knows? I'll have to leave earlier than I did last time so I don't end up spending nearly twenty dollars to take a cab home. That was absurd.

And there you have it, my birthday week.

Something Sophisticated (an attempt)

If I don't see you more than once a week then each time I do see you, you say: "So, what have you been up to?" and "Why don't I ever know what's going on with you?" and sometimes you even say: "Why don't you send me an email every now and then to let me know how you're doing?"

Depending on how I'm feeling that day I could answer you with a few variations but typically I'll say: "If you'd follow me on Tumblr, you'd know." A couple days ago I realized that's a lie. I've since felt uneasy posting some things on Tumblr and other things I post would probably give my grandmother a heart attack, so I'll just hope she never finds it.

Needless to say, I need somewhere to throw thoughts, hope someone catches them whips them back. I don't mind if it's a curve ball. I can handle it; it would be preferred. Yes, I have a LiveJournal too, and I even had a different Blogger account once upon a time.

Things are different now. I'll keep-up with my Tumblr account as it's become a great community for me and I've met some outstanding people, one for certain I'll cherish my whole life. I will put other things here though: things I've been pondering, tidbits of things I find interesting, but mostly it'll be a good way for you to get to know me. You, the guy who sat next to me in Ms. Craemer's Algebra II class. You, the barista that doesn't mind my pickiness with pastries. You, my sort-of cousin as your aunt is my dad's ex-wife. You, Sister, checking this blog every three months when you remember that it exists and you have a couple minutes after changing a diaper. You, ex-girlfriend/ladyfriend/guyfriend/boyfriend who stumbled upon this and are not certain if you want to know what I'm up to but are now intrigued by my pointing you out. And you, someone who stumbled upon this blog and enjoyed what you read.

So, instead of date night, watching another Food Network Challenge, or doing some cleaning, I've created a new blog. What a successful day.