Life dealt me a couple hundred decks before I was able to play anything other than Crazy Eights. And somehow with small hands, I've been able to play the cards rather well, but it's taken a lot of practice. Bluffing, cheating and quite a bit of luck have helped me on my way. I had a pretty interesting childhood. I've seen and been a part of things that would probably shock you and I'm not going to get into too many details right here because that's not the point of this entry, but believe me, shit went down.
I started taking care of everyone in my life because I knew that I could, I knew it was my purpose to heal them, to smooth the edges of rough conversations and situations and I got really good at it. I got very good at expressing myself, but not in the minute things were happening but rather later, discussing how I felt and how I'm feeling about future catastrophes. I grew-up talking to councilors and teachers. Those who were not immediately connected to the chaos of my life were easily trusted and became my confidantes. I could tell them anything.
The thoughts I had were unlike those of my peers, they were deeper and warranted more discussion than my friends' attention spans could muster. It started in middle school, staying after to chat with teachers and by the middle of high school, I would rather hang out with teachers in the lounge than sit with my peers at lunch.
It's not surprising to me at all that now some of the people that I consider my closest friends are at least in their thirties. Spending time with peers isn't difficult, but what I consider important in life rarely coincides with their thoughts and I can only handle going to clubs or sitting in crowded bars for about two hours before I feel that my intelligence has diminished.
On Christmas Eve day I was chatting with my dad's ex-wife who is now a very close friend of mine. What I've discussed in this entry came up and I told her how some of my friends think that I am "too serious" and to that I reply: "I'm not too serious, I just think about things that need to be thought about." It really is as simple as that.
Feeling, both mentally and emotionally, about twice my age really is strange sometimes. There's a part of me that wants my body to fast forward to catch up, so I'll be an established career person doing my thing with a house and dog and who knows, even a life partner and kids? And then there's my inner child that goes: "What are you even thinking?! You've got so many things yet to accomplish before you settle." And then I think, you know, I don't know if I ever want to settle.
Whether I settle anytime soon or not, I'm going to continue to enjoy my time with my friends, both young and less young and I'm going to enjoy the heck out of everything. Why not?
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