Minneapolis New Breed and Other Things (not a review, but a reflection of the evening)

Last night I went to the Minneapolis New Breed at the Southern Theatre located conveniently right around the corner from Town Hall Brewery who, I should mention, made a killing off of the actors, stage hands and various theatre-goers after the show. I wouldn't be surprised if as the casts from all three plays took their final bows about sixty percent of the audience thought: "I need a drink." But I'm getting a bit ahead of myself.

In fact, there was a bit of a reception catered by The Red Stag Supper Club before the show. As suggested by Elizabeth, my co-worker and friend playing Nina in the final play "The Seagull", I had my fill of free pinot grigio before taking my seat. "You'll need it," she assured me. I approached the counter where three wines and a very cute girl greeted me. Though I could plainly read the bottles before me, I asked about the pinot grigio. A coy smile spread across her face and a sweet voice replied: "It's delicious, full. A good wine, if you like good wines." I then slid my hand across the counter to take one of the classy plastic cups. Her hand gently fell onto mine. "Can I see an ID?" While I dug out my driver's license, I was silently cursing the moron at the DMV who took the terrible picture of me. I handed the cute girl my ID and with her free hand, she curled some hair behind her ear. As she returned my ID she said: "So Kendra, are you usually a white wine girl? Where do your flavors lie?" Upon hearing my name, I corrected my posture, grabbed a glass, took a sip and then replied: "I enjoy rieslings, typically full, wet wines."

We both blushed.
"Rieslings can be quite zany, can't they?"
"Zany. That's an excellent word."
"I like zany, do you?"
After another sip: "Yes, in fact, I do."

A line had formed behind me and I could feel the pressure of their thirsty hands trying to reach for a cup. I thanked the girl, smirked as I turned on my heels and thanked the Universe for the conversation. I joined my co-worker Lori and her friend Dane and Lori asked if I was carded. She laughed when she said that she hadn't seen anyone else carded the entire time they had been there. Oh? More smiles and blush spread across my face as I took another sip.

The food provided was flavorful but not in any way impressive. I wasn't really let down though, I honestly was only interested in the free wine. Free and wine are some of my favorite four letter words, especially when the first describes the second. My first glass was gone rather quickly (to be fair, it was more or less only two shots of wine in the cup) and I re-approached the counter for another. The girl was uncorking a bottle but paused to smile at me and slide another pinot grigio my way. I thanked her again and accepted her wink with a smile.

A couple minutes after returning to Lori and Dane, Elizabeth and Gabe joined us. They both had before the show jitters, Elizabeth in particular. Gabe enlightened us on the origin of his amazing tie, Lori and Elizabeth babbled about the new MAC eyeshadows they purchased that day, and Dane and I finished our drinks and he returned with one for each of us. A photographer from Vita.Mn, a local entertainment magazine asked us to get together for a photo. Later at home I realized that my ex-roommate will see that picture and will see me in her shirt, the one I have sworn to have not seen since November 2008. Oh well.

Here's the picture:


The theatre doors opened and we took our seats. This is where I'll give a not-review of the shows. If you'd like an actual review (and I do suggest you read it, it's quite humorous), check out this review by Jay Gabbler of the TC Daily Planet. And in case you're wondering, Elizabeth is the girl cawing like a seagull in the first picture. Precious.

As you're sitting down, four people bend, twist and warm up vocally as well all behind a stretched screen. Their bodies shrink and grow with the backlighting. I sat front row, center. Why? I could get into the fiasco with selecting my seat but instead I'll tell you a little about the people I sat next to.

On my left, a not-so-gentleman. His laughter during the production came at rather inappropriate times and the unfortunately audible murmurs he made during the dry-humping in Mad King Thomas' "Like a Circus, Only Death" made me incredibly uncomfortable.

To my right, a very stiff, petulant woman in her mid to late sixties. She scoffed and clicked her tongue. I didn't happen to notice if she ever covered her eyes but I wouldn't have been surprised.

Behind me, one man that was convinced his opinions of what was happening on stage needed to be shared with the class. I wish I could have given him a dunce cap and told him to sit in the corner to think about what he did.

And back to the stage. SuperGroup's "Shouldwetitleitnoworwait" was egotistical but mesmerizing at times and I was really glad for those glasses of wine sloshing in my empty belly. I was both distracted and impressed with the hair growth protruding from one of the actress' armpits. I couldn't quite tell if she crimped it to match everyone's crimped head hair.

So then there was "Like a Circus, Only Death" from the trio that is Mad King Thomas. Ke$ha and Queen, booze, boxing, dry-humping, messy making-out and a cardboard elephant. Okay, I was thoroughly entertained with this piece but mostly because it gave me hope that some of the trash I come up with could actually one day be performed.

Then the moment, well series of moments I was waiting for: Lamb Lays with Lions vs. Katie Mitchell's "The Seagull". For the many weeks leading-up to opening night, Elizabeth has recounted tales from rehearsals and her hopes and fears about the production. I had a good grasp of the storyline of Chekhov's "Seagull" and was ready to see the clash between the very classic production created with notes from Katie Mitchell and the mess of mediums the other side of the stage would throw together. I may have been the only audience member fully prepared for what we were about to see.

Director Jeremey Catterton was on stage interacting with each cast throughout the mess of what was going on. He even kept them on a tight time limit with a buzzer on his iPhone indicating when they needed to proceed to the next act. I was legitimately angry when reading from one of his books, Trigorin in mid sentence had to stop for the buzzer went off. We didn't get to hear which lines Nina so specifically wanted Trigorin to read. And the actor playing Trigorin got pissed and threw the book down. I think he even said: "What the fuck?" or "Fuck this." Wonderful.

There was so much commotion going on that no one even expected the gunshot. Surprisingly, I didn't jump. After the actors from each play took their final bow, I did jump out of my seat to find where Lori and Dane were seated. Their thoughts included:

"Lori fell asleep twice in the first show"
"That was like soft-core porn"
"They did the Electric Feel!"

And later, after Lori had a few extra beers in her tiny body, she said: "Kendra, you don't even know how hot I got." The actress who wore basically nothing on stage walked by en route to her seat at the other end of the table. "Let's get her to strip down to those sparkly panties and red bra again!"

The food was good the wine was decent and the conversation was awesome. Gabe and I chatted about how much of a small world it is that we both know Abbi. Lori, Elizabeth and I gabbed about Lush and Dane kept making references to what he had in his pants.

It's been months since I've been surrounded by theatre folk and I definitely need to get back into it. That's where I'm most comfortable, in the arms of the quick-witted, impoverished individuals who live vibrantly for their love of the craft of acting, the love of the hushed theatre before the curtain raises and their love of art for art's sake.

I Didn't Kiss Her But I Had A Good Reason

For the past week I've been having difficulties breathing. I've had exercise endued asthma for ten years but that's not the persistent problem I've been suffering lately.

It started with heartburn-like symptoms. Sharp, unsettling chest pains that came on with little to no warning and had very little to do with what I had eaten or what I had been doing. These pains came and went.

Last night I had the start of a sore throat. This morning I woke up with a stronger sore throat and developed a cough in the afternoon.

Needless to say, though my date was pleasant and I really did want to kiss her, I don't want to spread whatever this crap is to her, especially because this all sounds a lot like what one of my co-workers had a couple weeks ago: an upper respiratory infection. She went to the doctor and is on antibiotics now.

Ugh.

And all I really want is some smoochy action.

Snow Way!

So there's a lot of blustery intense weather conditions east of here and a lot of people on Tumblr are concerned about being snowed-in or having terrible weather to drive in to get to or from work. That definitely sucks. We had a few really crappy days here earlier in the week too, but things are good now. In fact, it's a really wonderful day. I perfect day for sledding, I'd say.

I'm specifically mentioning what a great day it is for sledding because today is the Sledding Shindig event I'm hosting. Back in September I was thinking about how much I wanted snow and about how upset I was that all of last winter I didn't go sledding at all. So, I created a Facebook event and chose a random day, which just so happens to be today. I invited everyone I knew in the Twin Cities area and some other people I thought who might be willing to make a little road trip for a lot of fun. Most of my friends thought I was crazy for creating an event so far in advance, but the logic behind it was: If I plan this event and give you plenty of time to have it on your calendar, you can't use the excuse, 'I have something going on today.'

This week I've been doing a little bit each day to prepare for the Shindig. I've messaged all RSVPers on Facebook, cleaned the living room, bathroom and parts of the kitchen as well my bedroom, which wasn't necessary as no one will be coming into my room, but it just feels good to have that done. This morning I woke-up early and went to the Seward Co-op to get some food for everyone. I got the fixings for personal pizzas, trail mix, cheese and crackers, sweet potato fries, and veggies with dip. When I got home, I prepared all of the fixings so that when we would get done sledding all I'd have to do is pull stuff out from the fridge and people could start piling their plates.

Unfortunately, it's twenty-eight minutes past the time that the event was scheduled and no one is here. I got a couple phone calls and Facebook messages with apologies, which was considerate, and some other people haven't contacted me at all.

So, that sucks.

And, my two housemates who are home are both really exhausted and don't want to go sledding with me even though they were RSVPd as attendees.

Oh well, I guess I'll put the sweet potato strips in the oven and have myself a nomfest. Alone.

How To Stop Liking Someone

Valentine's Day is fast approaching and for the past few years it seems that I'm crushing on someone that I just simply can't be with. You know what it's like to have a crush on someone knowing it'll never go anywhere further than maybe sharing sips of soda or a random high-five, right? You know how terrible it is to pine away for someone without any chance of a future with them. Well, fret no longer, I've adapted a maybe fool-proof list of things you can do to get over someone that you shouldn't have really been into anyway. This list might also work for an ex boy/girl/something friend that you need to get over too.

Before I give you the list I need to give a disclaimer: Do try these at home, but be careful, some may be detrimental to your mental, physical and/or emotional health. If you still need to be friendly with the person you're trying to unlike, there are a few things on the list that probably won't work for you. Use your best judgement.

Supplies you'll need to follow the steps of the list include: copious amounts of chocolate and ice cream, booze and plenty of it, a good sense of humor, a super-smart friend who can build you a contraption (described in detail later), another cute person to direct your attention, and a few rubber bands.

Step 1: Memory Wipe
Get your super-smart friend to design you a contraption that'll wipe your memory. Make sure that you only wipe your memories of this person unless you want to start completely fresh. If that's the case, go back all the way to the day you were born. This is probably one of the most drastic things you can do and I do not hold any responsibility if anything goes wrong with this one, but if your super-smart friend does indeed create said contraption and it works, make sure that friend gets in touch with me. I want my name on the patent.

Step 2: Be Observant
Open your eyes! When you're waiting in line at the grocery store, take a look around. There's bound to be someone with a crushable likability to them. Formulate a crush on them. This new crush placement will push the thoughts of the old crush into the trash bin of your memory.

Step 3: Make Different Memories
This step isn't much different than "Step 1" but in this step, you won't run the risk of frying your brain cells. When you simply replace the happy, heart-warming thoughts you have of the person you're crushing on with thoughts of bad, unhappy things, you'll most likely start thinking that your crush is a mean, cruel person. But they are mean, aren't they? They're practically the devil reincarnated. Right? This is the part where you nod your head and agree with me.

Step 4: Forgive
They might not have done you wrong and maybe you've done nothing wrong to them, but somewhere there's forgiveness that needs to take place. Forgive your boss for hiring both of you which might be the reason why you can't be together. Forgive the new girl that they're suddenly interested in. She needs to be forgiven for being so unabashedly attractive. Forgive yourself for all the anger and frustration you've felt. They're legitimate emotions and should be felt. Forgiveness feels really good.

Step 5: Pain
This is where the rubber bands come into play. Place them on your wrist. It doesn't quite matter which, maybe put them on your left wrist until your lunch break and then switch them to your right. The choice is yours. So, each time you think about the person in question, you snap yourself with your rubber bands. It's going to hurt like hell and you'll probably hate it and people will wonder what the hell you're doing, but continue. Soon instead of salivating when you think of them, you'll whimper. Note: this step probably won't work if you're into S&M

Step 6: Start Crushing on Yourself
This might sound utterly ridiculous (as if my other bits of advice weren't), but hear me out! You are a wonderful person and you deserve a wonderful person to give you the same attention you give them. Why not start focusing your loving energy on yourself? People always say that you can't help others until you help yourself first, so why don't you practice that? This bit of advice is probably the best that I can give but I do have a warning with this one: Don't fall so in love with yourself that you become a narcissist. You'll have a really hard time attracting good attention and appreciating it when it arrives if this becomes the case.

Step 7: Eat a Lot of Junk Crap
Doing this is not actually going to help you in any way, shape, or form, but at least now you'll have an excuse to not eat well. Feel free to not exercise, clean up after yourself or shower for about a week and a half too. Like I said, this step is pretty useless. Don't do it.

Step 8: Get Things Done
Keeping busy instead of just sitting around moping or daydreaming is incredibly helpful. Each night before you go to bed, make a list of things that you need to get done either the next day or by the end of the week. When you're not at work, in the shower, or making/eating food (good stuff, not the crap from Step 7), do something productive from your list. If you're relaxing and you start thinking about the person, take a look at your list and start busying yourself again.

Out of all the steps listed, I actually only recommend you try steps 2, 4, 6 and 8. I included the others just in case they might maybe work for you. As previously mentioned, this isn't a fool-proof list and you're bound to awkwardly run into the person you're trying to unlike and start falling for them all over again. My advice when this happens is to do your best to recognize the patterns you have fallen in. Ask your friends to be honest with you if they see you steering down the path of no return. And remember, just when you think you could never live without that person, there'll be someone else who'll walk into your life who'll ignite something deep within you, and you'll be new once again.