Tonight, a friend thanked me for being the nicest person ever. "I know nicer," was my response, though no one specifically came to mind. I mean, I know some incredibly nice people, but the people who are on the same shelf others seem to place me, those nice people are no longer a part of my daily life. They live elsewhere and their lives have little to nothing to do with mine apart from the air we breathe and the resources we use, though it's safe to say, I use less.* After hearing me reject such a simple statement, a compliment for which I could have easily responded: "You're welcome," my friend told me to stop bullshitting her.
Okay, so I'm the nicest person ever, but that comes with a very heavy burden because I'm the nicest person ever to all other people I encounter, but I save few nice things for myself. Even in the things I create/draw/write...they're all for someone else's eye. I give so much of my self and my things and that's why people think I'm the nicest person they've ever met. I'm so accommodating I'm surprised it doesn't sicken people. It sure as hell sickens me sometimes. To save myself from sounding like a martyr, I'll just say: I LOVE helping people, I just wish I knew how to say: "I need to help myself right now, instead, sorry." Sometimes helping others does help me in a roundabout way but more often than not, I convince myself that the pleasure I'll gain from helping a friend is enough to sustain my needs.
It's because I learned and believed that you should always treat others the way you'd want to be treated that I've gotten myself into this mess. I've just been living a golden rule.
* That is, unless they've become more environmentally conscious.
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